We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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