She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I want to make a zoo with you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
