Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
