I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
