My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
