Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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