How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
