he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
