So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
