Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
