You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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