Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
