Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
