I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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