I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
