I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
