She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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