just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
