after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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