i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
