it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
