Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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