where does the pee come out of this thing
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
