ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
