I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
