So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
