I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
