Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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