Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
