I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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