you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
These tits shall not be calmed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
