We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
