Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
