Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
