Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
