I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
