It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
