my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
