I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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