My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
