PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
