everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
