I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
