Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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