Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
