Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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