Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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