I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
