whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
