They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
