Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
